Just Say It

I am not one for bottling something up. To express something that is personal, particularly something that is unsettling, is to have more mastery of it. And as much as I enthuse about the power of the arts in general and music in particular to express and communicate, there is something very special about the act of talking to someone, when that listener is someone who listens properly, and doesn’t judge.

It was World Suicide Prevention Day this week, in honour of which I have added some thoughts of my own …looking particularly at the role of the teacher, but also the importance we can all have in the lives of our significant others when it comes to promoting good mental health through simply, talking and listening.

I would imagine that every teacher is aware of the need to listen to pupils. Some will also have a mission to go beyond this, and will want to promote meaningful discussion too.

In my former life as a teacher at Burnholme – I was keenly aware of how gender and expectations surrounding this, could have an impact on the relevance and desirability of ‘talking something out. Any former pupils of mine reading this might remember the regular circle-times (with a cuddly-toy conch … to begin with a white seal or a black mole, then it was George from Rainbow) to create a climate where young people would talk openly to one-another, about feelings and ideas, and would use talk to explore, rather than needing to wait for something to be fully-formed. Whereas girls often seemed to talk freely to each other anyway, and would sit together in breaks and lunchtimes chatting away, and parcelling their lives up through language, the boys would more often or not be doing something more physical, with no time or need for words. The circle times gave everyone, boys and girls, a chance to express themselves and be listened to – and for me, it was a chance to normalise speech surrounding feelings, and promote the value in talking honestly and of listening attentively.

What happens when people become adults? Well hopefully they have always been good at talking and listening anyway as have brilliant families or peer networks who were and still are open with each other. Perhaps there is an equal and loving relationship where talk is seen as vital -so that an important loved person provides all that is needed. Possibly people have learned enough about the power of talk through their school days to continue talking about what matters.… But what if that is not the case?

There can be complicating factors too, like having a learning disability, a mental illness, or poor self esteem – all of which can make it seem even harder to speak. And in a world where we seem to be moving away from face-to-face conversation, in favour of technology-based private activities on phones and computers, it isn’t being modelled as ‘the thing to do’. But if I have learned one thing in my life of which I am pretty certain it is this: talking and listening is the chief way that we connect with others –and it is vital for good mental health. We are ever mindful of this at Tang Hall SMART, and run several provisions that promote healthy discussion, as well as prioritising ‘talk’ as part of our general delivery. It is the chief way that a person can express care for another.

If you are bottling something up, find someone to talk to. If that person isn’t good at listening to you, find someone who is. There is nothing that cannot be put into words.

This link to the Mind page about the Suicide Prevention Day has some brilliant information, links and telephone numbers of people who listen!

Samaritans are always available on freephone 116 123, they're open 24 hours and are there to listen